


Fix You

by Chrysocolla



Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, And a bit over dramatic, But I like drama, By bad I mean awful, Cutting, Dark, Feels, FrostIron - Freeform, Kind of cheesy, M/M, Maybe too many of them, Odin's Bad Parenting, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-18
Updated: 2012-12-26
Packaged: 2017-11-21 10:08:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/596476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chrysocolla/pseuds/Chrysocolla
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"You don't understand. You <em>can't</em> understand. I can't be fixed."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I like listing so, here we go:
> 
> 1\. This is kind of darker that what I usually write.  
> 2\. Assume they're somewhere in high school. I didn't want to write grown men still living with their parents. xD  
> 3\. I've hidden easter eggs and references to some stuff throughout the work. See if you can pick up on them. ;)

Something was amiss. For the past few weeks, something disastrous was taking place. For the past few weeks, all Tony did was watch. _Enough of this shit_ , finally thought to himself, on no particular day, at no particular time. He was taking action.

The problem was with Loki. Loki: his best friend, his neighbor and well... his crush. For the longest time, Tony felt this way about no one. Until, of course, Loki. Tony loved him. There. It was said out loud. Tony was in love with Loki. It was inevitable, the way he felt, but also tragically one-sided. Even if Loki felt the same way, their love could never exist. Not in this lifetime, this galaxy. Never. Loki trusted Tony; he was perhaps closer to him than his own brother. They were friends, and better off that way. Though Tony's mind was set on keeping their sacred trust, their friendship, his heart wasn't. His heart wanted more.

It was a desire destined to go unfulfilled, but Tony made the best of it. He watched. He watched Loki's smiles, his grace, his absolute perfection. How his green eyes glowed when he laughed. How his raven black hair hung perfectly down to his shoulders, not a single on out of place. Everything that Loki did meant the world to Tony. His heart was always filled with affection that would never be returned. But Tony still watched, and admired. So naturally, he noticed. He noticed when all the little things he loved about Loki... were gone.

It was like watching someone die. Loki's eyes lost their mischievous gleam. His face looked hollow, as if he hadn't eaten or gotten rest in days. He looked paler than ever, and it seemed like every move he made caused him a great deal of pain. This wasn't Loki. Not the Loki who helped him prank Steve numerous times. Not the Loki who spied on Clint and Nat with him. No, this was the ghost of the boy he loved. _Enough of this shit_ , finally thought to himself, on no particular day, at no particular time. He was going take action.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I repeated that last line on purpose, just so you guys know. Also, I don't think I'm capable of writing long chapters, so sorry about that. A new one will be up within 3 days. Or 2. Or 1.


	2. Chapter 2

"Tell me what's wrong," Tony said, not so discreetly. He was sprawled on Loki's bed, picking at the corner of one of his posters. The taller boy watched on with a mildly annoyed expression.

"What makes you think something's wrong?" asked Loki cautiously.

"Do you think I haven't noticed? You've gone through some sort of horrific change," Tony said, half-jokingly.

"Tony, I can assure you-"

"Don't give me that shit. I know there are some underlying issues, or something. Let's see, hm... school issues, girl issues, guy issues, sexual identity issues," Tony could hint at it, couldn't he? He continued, "Money issues, friend issues, Thor issues, whatever! I know something's wrong. Just tell me and I'll help." He gave his best puppy-dog face, then a "tell-me-or-I'll-cry" face.

"Tony, there's nothing wrong," Loki muttered, fiddling with the sleeve of his sweatshirt, "Besides, you really should be going. My parents just came home."

~~~

There was yelling. Why hadn't Tony noticed that before? Well, usually he had his iPod on full blast. And usually, he didn't leaning out the window in order to hear better. Even so, he couldn't quite make out the words. The low booming voice had to be Odin. The higher voice that kept cutting him off had to be Frigga. _Ah, so fighting parents. That's Loki's problem_ , Tony thought to himself. He could definitely help him there. Fighting parents happened to be right up his ally. But why didn't Loki just tell him? A yell of frustration pulled him out of his thoughts. He looked up, just in time to see Frigga get in her car and speed away. _Well, the worst must be over now_ , Tony thought in relief. But the yelling continued.

Who could Odin be yelling? Frigga just left, Thor was a soccer practice, and Odin wasn't crazy enough to be yelling at himself... Oh no. It couldn't be, but it was. Odin was yelling at Loki.

It truly hurt Tony to know that every harsh, muffled word was directed to Loki. His Loki. The yelling continued for a few more agonizing moments. Then Odin stormed out of the house, taking their second car to pursue his wife.

Tony itched to text Loki. To make sure he was alright. To invite him over and sort things out. But he couldn't. It was way too soon. His friend would definitely know he was eavesdropping, and lose all of his trust in him. Tony decided to give it 15 minutes. They were the longest 15 minutes of his life.

 **Tony** : You know, you can kick me out of your house, but that won't stop me from bothering you.  
 **Loki** : How reassuring. Anyway, I told you it was because my parents were home.  
 **Tony** : If you have something against parents, mine won't be home 'til reeeeaally late. Wanna come over?

It took all of Tony's self control to remain casual. He held his breath and waited to Loki's response.

 **Loki** : Sure. I'll be there in 5, if you stop being a complete and total ass.  
 **Tony** : Whatever you want, babe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yet another ridiculously short chapter.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait. I meant for this to be updated daily. ;_; I was really unhappy with the first draft of this chapter, so I rewrote it a couple hundred times. So, here you go:

Loki arrived at Tony's house looking very... normal, but Tony was not convinced. He finally understood what people mean when they said a person's smile didn't reach their eyes. _Okay, so now we're on my territory, so we play by my rules_ , he thought to himself. Tony grabbed Loki's shoulder and pinned him effortlessly to the wall. "Tell me what's wrong!" he pleaded.

"Let me go," Loki grunted in return. He squirmed and swatted at Tony. So maybe this wasn't a great plan. Tony was determined anyway. As Loki clawed at the shorter boy, the sleeve of his sweatshirt slid downward. He didn't notice, but Tony sure did. There was something else, too. Loki's pale, white arm was marred with livid, red cuts.

Shock and confusion, flooded Tony's mind, be he reacted quickly. He switched to restraining Loki with just one arm, and the other grabbed Loki's right elbow. "What the fuck is this?" Tony yelled.

Surprise, guilt then defeat crossed Loki's face. He was caught. "Let me go," he finally said after a moment of roaring silence, "And I'll explain."

Warily, Tony complied. He fully expected Loki to bolt out the door, but his friend just sank down onto his couch. "Did your dad do this?" Tony dared to ask.

"No," sighed Loki, "I did."

"But, why?" asked Tony, his eyes filled with dismay.

"You hear that bastard yelling at me, don't you?" asked Loki accusingly.

"Yeah," Tony responded sheepishly. He added, "But I can't even hear what he says or anything like that." He didn't want Loki to know that he'd been eavesdropping.

"Oh, you wanna know what he says? I'll gladly tell you. He calls me stupid. Useless. A waste of space. He says I don't deserve to even live. And my personal favorite: 'Why can't you be more like Thor?'" Loki ignored Tony's expression of horror and went on, "So, I resort to this. I cut. It's like a game. I see how far I can go. Who knows? Maybe one day I'll hit something important and be done with myself. You know? Make things easier for everyone." Loki laughed bitterly.

Something in his friend's tone of voice terrified Tony. He was talking about all this like it didn't matter. Like _he_ didn't matter. The only word Tony could form was, "Loki..." He cradled his friend's forearm in his hands. As he drew a finger over a cut, his winced, finding that it was still seeping blood.

"And you know what Tony?" Loki continued, "It doesn't even hurt anymore, when I cut. But I still do it. I need to. I need to feel _something_." His green eyes were wild.

"Loki, no," Tony whispered, finally finding his voice, "Don't do this."

"You don't see my point, do you?" Loki snapped, "No one _cares_ that I do this. No one's there for me. Odin hates me, Frigga probably ignores me, and Thor thinks I embarrass him. But the thing is, no one can hate me more than I hate myself! Nobody wants me, nobody needs me, _nobody loves me_! Loki's voice grew increasingly higher.

" _Stop that!_ " Tony roared. Before he could think, he reached out and struck Loki across the face. Seconds of shock passed between the two as each let what just happen sink in. Loki pressed his hand against his face, green eyes shining with tears. Tony couldn't bear to look at his friend when he spoke again, "Loki, I'm so sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I just needed you to listen. You _have_ to listen to me. _I_ need you. _I_ want you in my life. Doesn't that mean anything to you?"

"You lying. That's impossible," Loki stammered as he back away from Tony, "You don't care about me. There's no _way_ you can care about me. Look at me, I'm a monster!"

"Loki, I love you!" Tony finally blurted out, without a moment's hesitation, "I don't know how to get you to listen, to prove it to you, but you _have_ to listen to me. So why don't you?"

"Because no one. _No one_. Could ever love-"

Tony could barely control himself as he lunged forward and pressed his lips against Loki's. "I love you," he said more steadily as he pulled away, "Now do you believe me?" Tears for falling freely from Loki's eyes at this point.

And now it was over. Tony have ruined everything. He had laid himself out in the open, and told how he truly felt to the one person he shouldn't be telling. There was no chance that Loki felt the same way he did. Their friendship was beyond unsalvageable. Tony could feel Loki staring at him, but he dared no make eye contact. As he started to make his apology, cool hands grasped his chin and turned his head. The two were now face to face. "Tony, I..." Loki began, his voice shaking, "I love you too. I love you so much." He kissed Tony gently. _Loki_ was kissing _Tony_. Finally was the only word that came to Tony's mind.

Loki pulled away moments later, making Tony whine at the loss of Loki's soft touches. He stood and headed towards the door. "Where are you going?" Tony tried to stand and follow him, but his legs still quaked from the overwhelming emotion.

"I'm gonna give me "father" a piece of my mind," Loki spat out the word "father".

"But you'll be back?" Tony asked hopefully.

"Most definitely," Loki replied with a smile.

"And no more of... that?" Tony gestured to Loki's arm. The blood already started to clot, and scabs formed, but Tony still couldn't bring himself to say a word as ugly as "cut".

"Never again," Loki promised.

"Good," Tony responded with a small smile, "I know you don't deserve that kind of pain."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew, that was longer! (In comparison.)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, again, for the wait. I blame the holiday madness and my own writer's block and procrastinating. So yurp, here it is!

Tony spent the next hour wallowing in misery. His parents had called, saying they wouldn't be home until tomorrow, so he was free to lay sprawled on his couch all night and worry. Maybe he ruined everything. Maybe Loki sorted out his thoughts and decided that he didn't feel the same way Tony did. Maybe, despite his words, Loki wouldn't come back.

At 6:32, Tony heard the doorbell ring. With a sigh of relief, all of the demons plaguing him vanished. Loki stood at the door with a smile on his face that Tony thought he'd never see again. He was about to say hello, but never had a chance to as Loki lunged forward and kissed him sloppily.

"So I take it that it went well," said Tony as soon as Loki let him go and let him breathe.

"Yup," his friend replied with a grin. He offered no other details as he moved forward again to kiss Tony passionately. "Tony," Loki pulled away abruptly to say, "I want you. I want you right now."

Tony stumbled backwards, his head immediately clearing. "Wait, wait, wait," he immediately started rambling, "Loki, try to think. I think that that you could still be... unstable from everything that's happened today. Don't let that cloud your judgement."

"My judgement is fine," Loki retorted. He pressed on forward, pushing Tony onto the couch. It took all of his effort to remain calm and in control of himself, but Loki was doing something to his ear that made it too damn hard.

"What the- How do you even know-" Tony started.

"Google is a beautiful thing," Loki smiled manically, "Though not quite as beautiful as you." _Holy fuck_ , Tony thought. By now, only two things registered in his mind. Number one, Loki was apparently back to normal and better, even. Number two, his friend was being awfully convincing as he claimed what he wanted. Tony could only resist for so long.

"Take me," Loki whispered softly into his ear. With that, he pushed Tony onto his back, hands pushing up his shirt. Tony responded by falling very ungracefully off of the couch.

"Um, I don't know, Loki," he stammered, "I don't have the er, preparations or anything."

"Oh, come on," Loki rolled his eyes dramatically, "Stop resisting. I know you want me."

Tony was thoroughly convinced now, as the ache in his crotch grew, "But Loki," he protested yet again, "I don't want to hurt you."

"Don't care," Loki panted after kissing Tony again, "I can handle the pain. Give it to me."

"I don't want to hurt you," Tony repeated, his voice stronger than before.

"You won't," Loki breathed.

Unable to think anymore, Tony allowed himself to be hauled to his bedroom.

~~~

Tony woke up first. Loki was curled up against his chest, and it was pretty damn comfortable so Tony had nothing to complain about. The other boy's eyes were closed lightly, and his black hair was flying every which way as a result of the last night. Even so, Tony still thought that Loki was gorgeous. The sunlight that streamed from the window reflected on Loki's pale, bare skin. He looked like an angel. Tony's angel.

As Loki slept on, Tony let his thoughts drift back to last night. Thankfully, he felt no guilt or regret for what he'd done. Judging by the serene way Loki slept and how at just that moment, he moved to hold Tony closer, he felt the same way. It was then that Tony finally let a stupid grin cross his face. There was one thing he forgot about last night, though. Careful not to disturb him, Tony reached out to take hold of Loki's arm. The cuts were already fading.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...heh... Hope you enjoyed! ^^

**Author's Note:**

> Did you guys pick up on the little references? Welp, I'm gonna tell them now. >:D
> 
> 1\. The title is a song by Coldplay.  
> 2\. The summary is a reference to a book I read. It wasn't mindblowingly spectacular, but that line really stuck with me.  
> 3\. When Loki says that no one could ever love him, it was a reference to the show Once Upon A Time. It's a pretty good show.  
> 4\. When Tony says that Loki doesn't deserve that kind of pain, that was a quote from Boy Meets World. Another good show.
> 
> Thank you all so much for reading this, and I hope this satisfied ya'll. :)


End file.
